


The 9 Hours

by EarlyJune



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Depression, Drug Use, F/M, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Tree Bros, based off some random af music i listen to, connor is really suicidal, evan just wants to help, mayyyybe some kinky(tm) stuff later on?, soft connor, take care of yourself kids, this story is kinda sad now that i think about it lmao, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 19:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14817521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarlyJune/pseuds/EarlyJune
Summary: Connor has decided its his last day that he will live.And nothing will get in his way.Especially not Evan Hansen.





	The 9 Hours

_3:39_

 

Connor slammed his hands on the keyboard as he attempted to think of a concluding sentence.

“What, the ever-loving, f—, could wrap up this sh-t show.” He mumbled into his hands, his long, unwashed hair falling in front of his eyes. How could _the last paper_ he was ever going to write cause him so much trouble?

Connor leaned back and rubbed his arms, "It doesn't even matter, I won't even get to see the grade on it." He laughed, "I'm not even going to turn it in." He sighed a little, then pressed 'command a' and 'delete' on the keyboard.

 

_So this was it._

His last day alive and he's decided to spend it in the second worst place on earth, the first being his own home.

He looked around at the practically empty room, practically meaning that there was only one boy left. The boy hovered over his laptop, mumbling slightly to himself as he typed frantically. Connor watched him, a second glance giving the information Connor needed to identify him.

_Evan Hansen._

_The boy he pushed over after some stupid misunderstanding with stupid Jared Kleinman._

He looked at him from across the room, a hot, sickly feeling suffocating his chest as he noticed his arm.

For starters; it was in a cast.

Meaning Connor Murphy, a boy already known to be psychotic to the whole school, _had pushed over a practically disabled kid._

_How much of an idiot did he have to be to not see that the kid was not only in pain already, but that he hadn't even realized it until now?_

 

A loud, mechanical noise to his left interrupted his thoughts, the printer slowly giving out a word-filled sheet.

Connor stared at it, wondering if the printer was trying to tell him something. Like, to leave.

He leaned over the printer and skimmed the words quickly, realizing who's it was.

 

"Dear Evan Hansen-" 

 

He read no further as he took it in his hands, careful not to crumple it in his hands. Maybe, before he pulled the 'ol plug, he could done one nice thing. Like... apologize maybe? Nothing could really change his plan at this point, so why not knock out a simple 'I'm sorry' for someone.

Besides, the kid looked like he needed it.

 

_They both needed it._

 

Without giving it a second thought, Connor strolled into the other lane of computers, a slight humming coming from the other boy arriving at his ears. He stopped just before Evan might've seen him out of the corner of his eye, realizing he didn't have a plan of approach.

He could just say "Hey, sorry for pushing you, here's your paper I took from the printer." But that sounded a little creepy to him. 

He took a step forward, Evan's head turning towards the obtrusive noise that the floor made at the step. Connor let the words fly, the only thought in his mind becoming a question:

“So, what happened to your arm?”

Small talk? This is probably the last person you're going to talk to, and you're _small talking him?_

A short parade of silence crossed the prompt before any words were said next, within this, many thoughts were spoken instead of words.

_'I should've left, I should've left the paper. Why am I here, why did I think this was a good idea. In what reality done I live in that this would ever be a good idea.'_

 

“Oh, I um, I fell out of a tree actually.” Evan said, 

 

Connor looked away, unsure of what to say to that response.

He had overheard something similar that Jared had said that morning, now making the connection of what Jared had responded with to what Evan had just now said.

_He laughed_

It sounded like a mix between a parrot squawking and a mouse squeaking, but he wasn't as conscious of it now as he used to be.

 

_It was his last day, he deserved to laugh at least once right?_

“You fell out of a tree? That is just the saddest f—ing thing I’ve ever heard. Oh my God.”

Evan chuckled softly, the tension breaking slightly. “I know…”

 

Silence fell between the two once again, they both waited for the other to speak

Connor took that role on, noticing another talkable topic.

 

“No one’s, um, signed your cast.” Connor’s gaze shifted around the room, his hand clenching tightly around the paper in his hand.

“No… I know.” Evan’s hands shook as he closed his laptop.

“I’ll sign it.”

“ Oh, um” Evan gave out a confused gasp, briefly forgetting how to breathe. “Y-you don’t have to."

“Do you have a sharpie?” Connor looked up at the fumbling boy, wondering how much he was going to fight Connor's attempt at an apology before he gave in.

Evan squeaked, taking out the sharpie and holding it out for the brooding boy to take. Connor practically lunged over and ripped it put of his, oddly damp, hands, taking his arm quickly. He stopped, hearing a small whimper from the other, “Uh… sorry.”

_Is this what I'll be remembered by? Signing some kids cast, of whom I barely know?_

Connor laughed internally at the thought of him being questioned by adults as to why Connor Murphy, the boy who could've make it through high school, had signed his cast.

 

_Better make it count_

 

He bent over the other and signed his name in large block letters across the front, smiling softly and handing his back the sharpie.

“Oh… great, thanks.” Evan looked down at his cast, the expression of shock and panic crossing his face for a brief second.

“Well, yeah, now we can both pretend that we have friends.” Connor didn't really take the harshness of his words through the _'is this okay to say?'_  door, but by looking at Evan's face, he could tell that they both could care less.

“Good point,” Evan abruptly moved forward, heading for the door in an obvious attempt to escape from more conversation. Connor panicked realizing his only chance to done one thing right was walking away.

“Is this yours? I found it on the printer, “Dear Evan Hansen” That’s your name right?”

Connor could see Evan’s panic as he raced back towards the other boy. “Oh that’s just a stupid paper I had to write for a, um, for an assignment…” Connor smiled lightly, glancing at the text once more.

He froze, pulling it back as he scanned the letter once more.

“Because there’s Zoe?”

_How could he be so dumb as to believe that when he has the perfect chance to right one of his many wrongs, that it would go smoothly. Nothing in the world had ever been handed to him, and he had given ups long time ago. Maybe he had thought the universe owed him or something, maybe he assumed that on his last day he would receive a just a little grace from above. But no, of course things had to go wrong. Of course he had to have his ideas crushed one last time._

 “Is this about my sister?” Connor clenched his eyes shut, trying his hardest not to let his anger take over him again.

 

“No… N-not at all.”

Evan reached for the letter, but Connor pulled it out his reach.

 

_A lie, a blatant lie, just like everything else in the damned world._

 

Connor lost it.

 

“You…” Connor paused, his face scrunching up as he held the letter above his head. “You wrote this because you knew that I would find it.”

Evan backed up, straightening a little: “What?”

Connor sighed, his frustration coursing through his body as the one thing he tried to done right slipped away: “You saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you wrote this and you printed it out, so that I would find it.”

“W-why would I do that?” Connor could barely hear through the pounding in his ears.

Connor interrupted his thoughts, answering his question: “So that I would read some creepy sh— you wrote about my sister, and freak out, right? And then you can tell everyone that I’m crazy, right?” Connor looked down at Evan, his eyes filled with an inhuman rage.

“No! Wait I don’t even, what?” Evan looked up, for the first time that encounter, making eye contact with the raging boy. His eyes begged for mercy, forgiveness, a sense of understanding, anything. Connor’s brow furrowed deeper as he towered over the other boy, Evan cowering under him. “Y-you do-don’t understand…” Evan mumbled, a small whimper escaping his mouth.

“I don’t understand what?” Connor’s mouth dripped with venom, he was no longer in control of what happened from here forward. Something was in control of Connor's body, and he didn't know what it was. It was the creature that took over him at dinner, where his father would subtly mock him by praising his sister, and his mom would pat him on the shoulder as she passed him to clean the dishes. It was the creature that took over his conscious when he was screaming through his sister's door, explaining the many ways he could kill her and shut her up. It was the same creature that took over him as he walked through the halls this morning, when he heard Jared's comments, _when he pushed over Evan Hansen._

There was nothing he could done about this creature except ignore it until it rose again, consuming himself until the guilt had built up enough to break the wall of it.

His focus remained hazy as he restrained himself enough to not shove the boy again, but he did notice one thing.

 

_Evan started to cry._

 

His eyes weren't just tearing up at the edge, he was... _he was really going at it._

 

He had never known someone to cry so vulnerably, well, _since himself._

 

Connor’s expression dropped, the creature letting him go, hopefully for the last time.

 

"I'm sorry Evan."

 

The words came out as a whisper as Connor put a shaking hand on Evan's shoulder, quickly removing it a second later as he felt Evan's shoulder's tense.

 I-I'm so sorry, f—ing hell man." Connor gave a weak, mood-lightening laugh, not realizing tears of his own forming. "I, lashed out, like I do with everyone. I just... I don't have an excuse." He backed up from Evan, reaching for a stool underneath one of the computer tables. He sat down and wrung his hands out, cracking his knuckles absentmindedly. "I... I get where your coming from though, I don't, sh-t, I don't really know you, but I- I get you... man."

By saying; "I get you man," he meant a lot of things. For example, Connor felt like he saw himself in the kid.

_Helpless, not in control, unable to speak, afraid, and countless other things._

 

Today was an unexpected day, but it was about to get even more confusing as the next words that came out of Evan's mouth held the deepest meaning to Connor; and he didn't even know it until he said them: 

 

_"It's okay, I forgive you."_

 

Connor's eyes welled up, but he quickly looked away and wiped them.

 

The reaction was unexpected, but understandable. Since Connor had never actually apologized with meaning, the words _"I forgive you"_ were never said. 

Connor looked back at Evan, a small smile forming on both of their faces as they sniffed simultaneously. The two laughed softly at the moment, both subconsciously wishing it could be like this forever.

 

 _'Is this what a bond felt like?'_ Connor thought, still holding Evans gaze. He had never felt the warm feeling in his chest, maybe when he was a kid, sure, but this was the first time in high school he had ever felt this way. He didn't have the need to speak, so he didn't. Evan looked a little different to him now that this moment had passed.

_How long had it been anyway?_

He looked at his phone quickly, checking the time.

 

_ 3:52 _

 

_ Almost 8 hours left _

__

He looked back at Evan, who was now staring at the note in Connor's hand. Connor jumped forward, handing the now crumpled paper back to its rightful owner. 

"Sorry."  

"Oh... Don't worry about it." Evan smiled lightly, Connor's heart melted.

A thought hit him as he stared at the boy opposite to him.

 

_ What if... I left everything with him? _

 

See, Connor's original plan had been to just leave. To die. But like most people, he didn't want to be... 

 

_Entirely_ forgotten.

 

Without giving it a second thought, that seeming to be the theme of the day, he formulated a plan.

_ If he was going to die, why not make it count with someone. _

Nothing could really change his mind, so why not risk it all with this random kid.

 

Who knows... 

 

_Maybe he could make a friend_

 

"Do you need a ride home?" He asked, knowing the answer was most likely going to be "no."

 

"Actually, if you don't mind, yeah... My, my mom kinda bailed on me... I actually have... somewhere I have to be, but y-you don't have to take me it's cool. J-just drop me off at the train station and I can-can like, take it from there." Evan overshared, blushing after realizing how much he had actually said.

Connor smiled, he stood up and stretched his back, "It's all good, I have nowhere to be, so how about I take you straight there?"

Connor didn't see Evan's panic as he headed for the door, "Ya coming?"

Evan raced after him, Connor glanced at the clock as he held open the door for the other boy

 

_4:00_

 

_8 hours left_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey kids.
> 
> I used to have a Tumblr where I wrote a lot of stuff, but now i don't have it... Fun story right?
> 
> Any who, this is kind of a recovery fic for me. After seeing the show live, I was worried my love for it would die (like most of my obsessions), so I'm trying to get back in the swing of things by reading and writing as much as I can about the show!
> 
> Let me know if anyone wants a second chapter.  
> (I mean... I'll probably write one anyway lmao)


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